(NC)-Lust. Desire. Obsession. Romance novels and Hollywood make millions every year by exploiting passion. But is this kind of love worth the heartache in real life?

Rosemary Sullivan's book, Labyrinth of Desire: Women, Passion, and Romantic Obsession, explores the issue of everyday women succumbing to their most intense desires and dealing with the aftermath.

"I think everyone is intrigued by love, and yet puzzled by it," says Dr. Sullivan, Canada Research Chair in Literature, Culture and Discourse at the University of Toronto. "Nowadays we talk endlessly about relationships, as if we're almost afraid to talk about love. To look at literature for what it tells us about the patterns by which we love is both meaningful and entertaining."

Sullivan constructs a typical love story: A woman whose life is in a rut meets an unusual and fascinating man in a strange city. They begin a passionate affair and she gets carried away with the excitement. But soon the affair loses intensity; the man becomes distant and cool. The woman returns to her rut, accompanied by anguish and suffering.

Sullivan then deconstructs the story: Why did this woman fall for this man? Why did the intensity burn out so quickly? What should she do now?

According to Sullivan, people become romantically obsessed when they project their own feelings and desires on the other person. They see what they want to see. She says that in order to get over this obsession, "you must recognize that you never really knew the object of your obsession, that in fact you constructed that person out of your own need."

Not the usual self-help book making the talk show circuit, Sullivan's book offers an unexpected conclusion. She believes that this obsessive love is essential for fostering women's self-knowledge, almost a rite of passage. As much as it hurts-and it does-women become stronger and lead deeper, fuller lives for having gone through the experience.

"Self-help gurus treat love as if it were a disease to get over. My point is that it takes courage to love deeply. The problem comes when we believe that the other person is essential for our survival.

"I think of romantic obsession as young love. Mature love is much more satisfying and much more human." So how do you know if you're afflicted with romantic obsession? Sullivan says, "The short answer is that if you have to ask, you're not."

You'll find more information about research supported by the Canada Research Chairs Program at www.chairs.gc.ca.

- News Canada
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