Who you are today, your personality and your values, depends on the past events that shaped you. You can always find connections between a present thought or feeling and a past event, no matter how far away it might seem. Explanations for present events can be found by going through some memories, and this practice shows you how to do that. By trying this you will be able to reinterpret yourself, by learning not to judge your actions but to accept and understand them.
Begin by finding a comfortable position, in a chair or armchair. Have a piece of paper or notebook and a pen ready and put them besides you. Try to relax your body and your mind and breath rhythmically through your nose. When you have achieved a state of increased self-awareness go back in time and think of an unpleasant memory that has marked your entire life. You don't have to find something dramatic – in childhood, for example, even the most insignificant looking remark may have a huge impact on your personality. Let's say that, as a child, you broke a crystal vase that your mother held dear. She might have said: "You can't do anything right!". Of course, that was just an anger driven reaction on her part that disappeared after a short while but you, as a child, were deeply affected by it.
When you have selected your past event try to briefly write it down and finish with a phrase that summarizes your experience (e.g. "You can't do anything right!"). Make sure your breathing is still rhythmical and relaxed and then think about a minimum of three things that you can learn from that past experience. Do not get stuck on the final phrase, but try to analyze your action in a non-judgmental manner. The main idea is to identify and assimilate the things that you could have improved. Don't quickly dismiss your past problem by saying "it was a child's mistake". The goal here is to find out how any mistake can teach you to become better, instead of lowering your self-esteem and confidence.
When you have found a few positive remarks about the past experience try to write them down. Don't force your mind to come up with the ideas; instead, try to let everything flow naturally. After you're done writing make sure to read the statements a couple of times and remember their essence. Put the paper aside and get back to connecting with your breathing. Take a minute or two to focus solely on your breathing and then recall the positive ideas you jotted down on the piece of paper. As an example, in the case of the broken vase, you could write: "I have to concentrate more on my actions". Repeat that thought in your mind and make sure it represents you completely. Do the same with all the other positive ideas you cam up with. Believing in them and repeating their essence enables you to make them part of who you are.
This exercise is especially useful when you are aware that you are about to go through a similar experience. You may not be in danger of breaking another vase, but you might be in the situation where something a friend holds dear will be in your hands, in your responsibility. If you feel stressed and fearful about that situation make sure you recall the positive aspects from your exercise. Repeat them in your mind before the event and your self-confidence will receive a well-deserved boost, allowing you to do your job free from any negative roots to the past.
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