Copyright 2005 Sharon Lowell
Letting go
I'd like to throw out the question to us both "what do we
needlessly hold on to?"
Interesting question, isn't it? This question seems simple on
the surface to answer, but upon investigation into the deepest
secret parts of our minds, and that being extremely complex. I
desperately hung on to guilt, hurt, rage, disappointment and
especially pity for years and years and years.
I'd like to explain my own personal reasons for doing this, with
the hope that maybe a light will pop on inside your mind,
helping you uncover reasons for clinging to your pain.
First of all, I felt that the horror of the experiences that led
to all my negative torment deserved the reverence of me for ever
paying "homage" to my consequential suffering.
If I didn't stroke and nurture the pain that resulted from
living through my hell -- who would? In my mind, no one else
cared! So, I would carry the torch -- and live forever in
remembrance of my agony - I was determined to take care of it.
If I just let it all go, it would have been like admitting that
what happened to me was okay, it doesn't matter, no big deal,
forget about it!"
Well, everything that happened is not okay, and will never be
okay! What people did to me does matter, is a big deal -- and I
certainly won't ever forget about it! So, with a strong and
determined protective, obsessive attitude, I kept all these
promises to myself, and I "honored" my agony 24/7.
Unfortunately, this mindset eventually took on a life of its
own. It gained momentum and power, and led me steadily down the
path of nothing short of death. All I could see was the dark,
critical, vicious side to life. Simple pleasures did not exist
for me, and I became intolerably moody and angry. I trusted
nothing and no one. My attitude towards everything became more
and more sarcastic and miserable. The heaviness took its toll on
my mind, body and spirit -- until I craved actual physical death.
I find this very difficult to write about, and actually become
literally heavy in my head, eyes and body when I revisit these
thoughts and past lifestyle. The good news is, however, that
because of the grace and patience of God, and the tiny spark
left with the need to find healing -- that healing is what I did
ultimately attain.
My life changed forever when I finally adopted two very simple,
but hard to learn philosophies:
* Honor the traumatic memories by learning from them, instead of
living inside them. I understand completely the need to show
respect and reverence for our times of horror, but we can
transfer this reverence into knowledge and understanding. The
lessons permanently learned from our times of agony will provide
potent influence we can apply to future choices that will have
to be made. The knowledge and understanding that comes from
torment is ultimately a powerful gift that allows us to find
maturity, compassion for others, and certain joy in our future.
* Reassign new positive associations and meaning to your hurtful
memories. Almost always, in any bad situation, we can
acknowledge the love and caring we put out there to others,
which is always precious and of great value in the eyes of the
Lord. Even if our love was responded to eventually with hate or
betrayal, our love, concern and generosity of spirit needs to be
seen as precious wonderful priceless, and worthy of great
praise. Honor your goodness in mind body and spirit, and virtue
in motive, regardless of how the situation turned out. Own
responsibility for the mistakes you made, but feel compassion
for yourself, as opposed to self pity.
These points, as well as many others which I cover in my audio
e-book; "A Path To Healing", helped me after a long time of
meditation, searching and honest evaluation of all the details
surrounding my times of suffering, to find a way back to joy,
self understanding, love and humble beautiful new beginnings.
I pray the same for you.
About the author:
Sharon has found her way from debilitating suicidal depression
to a new life of joy. Her passion now is helping others who
suffer for the devastating affects of depression and anxiety
through her new audio e-book; "A Path to Healing" at
http://www.apathtohealing.com
